Imagine yourself walking on a very high tight-wire with your packed suitcase in one hand, and a martini in the other. A Stuntwoman's perspective.

"FACING FEAR WITH FEAR!"

an excerpt from Dana's life as a Stuntwoman in Hollywood...

“I can't believe I'm about to do this!” This thought flashes through my brain as I lean forward to place tension on the thin cable attached to the jerk vest hidden beneath my baggy clothing. I slow my breathing down. The tension mounts around me, and the acrid stench of the torches burns into my throat. I can almost feel the simulated, nighttime darkness envelope me in its shroud.

You see, I am a stunt double for an actress; and I'm about to be shot with a flamethrower device and knocked backwards through the air, and down into a gully, as several bombs explode. I see everyone scurrying around me, and I feel like the calm in the center of a storm. The special effects guy double checks the fire squib he has placed on my stomach. My ratchet man is talking with me about my starting mark and my arm placement. The hair lady makes a final adjustment to my hair, as the bomb ‘squad,’ adjusts the propane bombs and debris cones that are on both sides to the front of me.

My boss asks if I am ready. I give a nod and a thumbs up sign. All of a sudden everybody scatters and disappears into the darkness. All is quiet. I keep the tension on the line and close my eyes as I hear the effects team say, “The bombs are going hot!” From my cocoon of darkness I hear the shout on the megaphone, “Cameras Rolling!” “Speed!” “And on three. One….two….THREE!” Simultaneously I feel the blast of heat, and I am jerked backwards and up.

My eyes open and I see smoke, then darkness. I feel like I am swimming in the air. I fly backwards, 10ft…. 20ft… Hmmm, I seem to be traveling further than I did in the rehearsals. I should be free falling backward to the pads by now! Then I drop. And just as the thought dawns on me that I'm going to miss the pads, I feel a mighty “THWACK” to my head, and all goes black.

Ahhh….the life of a Hollywood stuntwoman! Ok, call me crazy, but I'm perfectly happy to be flying through the air, jumping through burning windows and slamming myself into walls. Well…maybe I'm a little happier when there is no pain or headache involved, but still, I'm definitely hooked on this wild roller coaster of a career!

Now, I'm sure you’re asking yourself, “Why in the world would anyone choose such a hazardous career?” Well, have you ever wanted something so badly that you didn't even try to accomplish it, because you were afraid you would find you couldn't do it? I call it a fear of failure.

That was the story of my life; that is, until I learned to defeat my fears by facing up to the challenges of my mind. I came from a background of sexual abuse, abandonment, and the ravages created by suicidal, and alcoholic parents and relatives.

I had no self-confidence or self-esteem. What I did have, was a bad habit of thinking, “I can’t,” along with a petrifying fear of disappointment, anger, hurt, and humiliation. As a result, I would typically run from any challenge of the mind, body, or soul. I was my own worst enemy when it came to succeeding with something, and I was sick of it!

So when that first call came for me to double the villainess on the film Under Cover Blues down in Lafayette, Louisiana. I jumped at the chance. When the fear of those first few stunts started to get in the way, I pushed them ruthlessly aside and did what I had to do.

Afterwards, when I realized that I had completed the stunt successfully - even though my brain had been saying I couldn't - I was enveloped in a euphoric, “walking on clouds” feeling of accomplishment.

At last, I had discovered a good battleground where I could focus on conquering my fears, and I was determined to win! So off I went to Hollywood.

Leaving behind my nine to five job in accounting, the Friday night parties, and Monday night football on the couch with my man, life, I jumped into my new career, and learned to face my fears on a daily basis.

As my experience and skills expanded, the jobs kept coming….Batman Forever, Batman & Robin, Demolition Man, Lethal Weapon 4, Charlie’s Angels, Swordfish, The Long Kiss Goodnight, Independence Day, plus an ongoing list of television shows like Star Trek Voyager, The Pretender, VIP, and the X-Files.

Never would I have dreamed of being able to do the stunts I did with helicopters, jeep chases, jet ski-boat transfers, stair falls, saddle falls, jumps from buildings-through glass-over fences, hydraulic ratchets into walls – the ground- into other people. I would have never dared to be hit by a car wearing nothing but a sundress and sandals (Bella Mafia).

As one film led to another, I was swept up into a whirlwind of movie stars, travel, money, and extraordinary adventure. I spent weeks working with actors like Nicole Kidman, Uma Thurman, and Mel Gibson. I hung out on the set with George Clooney, Sylvester Stallone, Charlie Sheen and Gwynneth Paltrow.

The productions flew me first class around the world to exotic locations to film. I galloped a horse in the sunset along the ancient cliffs and temples of Petra, Jordan (same local as Raiders of the Lost Ark). I fought in a hurricane in Wales, and then floated in a rickety boat down a mystical river in the ancient capital of Ayutthaya, Thailand (Mortal Kombat Annihilation).

There were side trips for shopping in London, museums in Paris, lounging on exotic beaches. And now, after a brief sojourn in Rome working with Cameron Diaz on Gangs of New York, I am on contract with a great new TV series called Alias. Although the glamour of this business can be fun, it can also be overwhelming.

To keep my sanity, I try to balance my perspective of what is important, and what is real. (Imagine yourself walking on a very high tight-wire with your packed suitcase in one hand, and a martini in the other, and you'll get an idea of how difficult this can be.)

Beneath the glitz and the glamour, I have found the real counter-balance in this rocky career is the underlying magnet of satisfaction and self-accomplishment.

After a lifetime of dealing with issues from my extremely difficult childhood, I welcome the challenges of this career. They have helped me balance and conquer those old feelings of low self-esteem, lack of confidence, and my fear of failure. (Not that I would recommend all people suffering from childhood trauma jump from buildings or launch themselves 20 feet through the air by stepping on a seriously dangerous mechanical device called an air ram)!

And now, after ten years, thousands of stunts, hundreds of movies, over 2,520 days of pain (excluding the five hospital trips and numerous doctor visits for burns, stitches, pulls, breaks, and concussions), I can honestly say that I still enjoy the challenges of my work.

Sure there are times when I long for that nine to five, football night, bruise-free life. But when I'm sixty feet up on a huge 360 degree rotating shipping crane, about to start a big fight on a contraption consisting of a forklift, a motorcycle, and a car sandwiched together (Barbwire), I realize that, once again, I am conquering that debilitating fear I felt growing up
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You see I know that the only thing worse than failing is to let fear keep you from succeeding at what you want to do.

Hey, call me crazy if you want, but now, instead of running from a challenge, when I'm asked to jump, I say, “how high?”

copyright dana hee August 2001

www.GreatThingsArePossible.com

IDENTITY CRISIS? Have you lost your company, your prestigious job, your ‘position’ in life? Are you feeling lost without that TITLE?

Dana Hee on IDENTITY CRISES...


* Have you lost your company, your prestigious job, your ‘position’ in life?

* Are you feeling powerless without that ‘identification?’

* Please know, that ‘perceived’ power comes from a title. Your true power comes from within!


Imagine this? You perceive yourself to 'be' an 'Olympian.' You know yourself as an 'Olympic Gold Medalist.

Then, you discover, that what you have believed is no longer possibly true! What do you do about that sense of LOSS?



Here’s a blogger note I wrote on my website in 2008!
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Thursday, June 26, 2008

Once an Olympian, Always an Olympian, Never Former...Never Past!
This is what was ingrained in my head when competing for the Olympics and there-after.


Is a 'Demonstration Sport' athlete at the Olympic Games REALLY an Olympian?

THIS....is the question. Kind of like...'to be'..or 'NOT to be'....eh? As a gold medalist at the 1988 Olympic Games in the demonstration sport of Taekwondo...this is a question that affects myself, my team mates, and many others. It has been a very confusing issue at times....so perhaps you can give me YOUR opinion.

I discovered some time after competing in the 24th Olympic Games in Seoul, Korea, that according to the IOC (International Olympic Committee), 'demonstration sport' athletes were not fully recognized as 'Olympians.'

According to the USOC (United States Olympic Committee), we 'used' to be considered Olympians (at the time I competed...in 1988). At the WOA General Assembly in 2003, WOA, the World Olympians Association revised its constitution and defined an Olympian as "an athlete accredited by an OCOG to compete in a full medal sport on the program at the Olympic Games. And now....according to recent correspondence with USOC president, one of my hero's, Willie Banks....

"Dana, Thank you for your email. Congratulations on your medal in the Seoul Olympic Games. I have been following a discussion on the definition of Olympian and I just discovered that the USOC Athletes Advisory Commission decided to endorse the definition of the World Olympians Association. THe only question that arises is whether any definition not accepted by the IOC is not really official. Therefore, the question is still very much open and debatable. As far as the US Olympians are concerned you will be treated as an Olympian within our organization until an official decision is made by the IOC and ratified by the US Olympians. Willie


Frankly, I find all of this quite fascinating, since I believe that there is no question, that...in my mind, I am an 'Olympian.' It is was I dreamed of...it is what I struggled so hard for...it is what I achieved...it is something that I will always encourage others to strive for and support...and it is what I will always feel that I am.

The fact is, I qualified for what everyone called, 'the Olympic Team' in my sport of Taekwondo. Our U.S. Team trained at the Olympic Training Center gearing up for the Olympics. Myself and my team mates attended all Olympic ceremonies (opening/closing/send-off/U.S. Presidential White House, etc. with NO differentiation between 'us' and other 'full-medal' athletes).

We received all materials identifying ourselves as 'U.S. Olympic Team' members (even the most important items...such as underwear and socks! ha, ha).' Myself and others were awarded our medals that commemorates us as an Olympic winner in a demonstration sport at the Olympic Games...complete with Olympic rings.

We received credit on television, magazines, and newspapers with the title of 'Olympic medalist in a demonstration sport.' And then, after the Games, I attended the International Olympic Academy as a delegate/representative from the United States with three other full-medal sport athletes.

In fact, I don't believe I, or my team mates have done anything differently than any other full-medal athletes....even the athletes now competing in the full-medal sport of Taekwondo. So how is it then, that there are some out there that say that myself and others in my position cannot be called 'Olympians'.....or may not be called 'Olympians' in the future?

Hmmm...... Don't you just love these complicated, yet meaningless issues that crowd our minds when we are trying to sleep at night? Isn't it amazing how the human mind wants to find that little 'Achilles Heel' to rein in our sense of pride and accomplishment? Especially, when the truth of the matter is that, it doesn't really matter if anyone calls me an Olympian.

When I remember how much I struggled and fought to change my life and make my dream come true...when I remember the agony and tears...the little triumphs, and then the setbacks.

When I remember standing on that Olympic podium with my stomach in my throat and a huge smile on my face, and my fist raised in the air for that one moment in time....when I think back to that sense of overwhelming pride in seeing my country's national flag raising to the beautiful sound of our national anthem...I know that only one thing matters....I am a champion....not just in sports...but more importantly, I am a champion in life.
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You see…I have finally realized, that it doesn’t matter if I am called an ‘Olympian,’ or an ‘Olympic Gold Medalist!’

What matters, is that I remember that a ‘title’ does not make me someone special! A title does not define me.

Who I am, what I have overcome, what I set out to achieve, what I accomplish, and how I use that to help others is what the real game of life is all about. ‘That’ is my true definition.

I am simply a woman who has come a long way, and still has a long ways to go. I am simply a woman who knows the meaning of hope, courage, and perseverance. And title or no, I will do what I can to help others maintain hope and courage and learn perseverance!

I know who I am. My name is Dana Hee.

"The Fly In The Kitchen Window" When the going gets tough, the tough get going!

They say that the definition of insanity...is doing the same thing over and over again, yet expecting different results. Hmm... Perhaps...I AM a little bit insane, because I am very GOOD at doing the same thing over and over again. I was born in the Chinese year of the Ox. Go figure!

Then again...I do believe insanity runs in our Louisiana family line...I’ve heard of my great grandfather’s irrational temper and ugly nature...I’ve witnessed my brother’s often, un-realistic approach to getting what he wants in life...I’ve been the target of my mother’s narcissistic nature of, “I love you...I hate you...I love you!”....and of course, I acknowledge my own bull-dog nature of not wanting to let go of something once I’ve latched onto it.

How DO we know when good ‘ol perseverance has turned into stupidity? As I sit pondering this thought while sipping my morning coffee...I silently contemplate the nasty black fly throwing itself at the kitchen window over and over again in its’ desperate attempt to escape to the flowers and trees outside. Feeling a twinge of embarrassment, as I am reminded of the hundreds of times when I performed the same mindless ritual...I grab up the fly swatter and SMACK! One less thoughtless moron in the world!

As I head to the counter top to get a paper towel to clean up the evidence of destruction, a couple of thoughts leap into my head... “What WAS I thinking all those years?” “Especially when the KISS theory (keep it simple, stupid!) is easily the best way to keep perseverance from turning into stupidity.” Of course...it took ME about 40 years to finally learn that! “MORAN!” I exclaim to myself as I wipe the window clean once again

Perhaps it’s because I’m a woman that I constantly want to complicate things. It’s not good enough for me to know that I need to put water in the horse tank. I need to know how much water was in there yesterday, and if it was close to being empty...why did my boyfriend not notice this and fill it up when he fed the horses last night. And just why IS the hose lying out across the lawn in the hot sun...baking itself to a shorter life-span? And surely...there must be an easier way to get the hay droppings out of the surface of the water...I mean...why can’t horses drink without slobbering and dropping their feed all over the place!!!

Ahhh....there are times I would give much to have the mind of a man. They don’t stop and ponder all of these issues. They either see the tank is empty and fill it up...or they never notice it at all! How simple! And much less stressful than what goes on in MY mind.

No wonder some men are absolute masters at the kiss. That’s their secret to blocking out our multitude of thought waves and getting us women to stop thinking for a few minutes. Fortunately...I finally learned to use the KISS to my advantage also. Not that I can do it all the time...but when I can, dang, it sure beats banging my head against the kitchen window!

KISS...aka... “Keep it simple, stupid!”...Has been my censoring device for several years now. When I begin to realize that I’m not making the progress that I should be making, I now take a step back and take another look at what I’m doing. Is there an easier way? Is there a more effective way? Do I need to do EVERY LITTLE THING I’m doing RIGHT NOW?

“Hmm...perhaps, I can break the problem down to it’s simplest form...and build up from there. Kind of like...if I need water in the horse tank...just go get the hose and turn the water on...instead of spending needless wasted energy fuming and analyzing things that are not pertinent to the immediate problem!”

Of course...since I absolutely seem to LOVE fuming and analyzing needless things and I’ve spent the majority of my life doing just that...I’ve really had to work hard at re-wiring my brain to force myself to KISS instead of shit bricks. Ahh...welcome to my world of the ‘ox!’

INTERNAL POWER BEGINS WITH A POSITIVE MIND-SET!

I find that when we seek to improve upon our sense of self…we often turn automatically to the external tools of making us feel better…getting our hair done at the beauty salon, going to lift weights at the gym, taking that cool Harley out for a ride, buying/cooking/eating delicious and satisfying foods, and sometimes in my case…going shopping. Hey…she who dies with the most shoes, wins! Right? Aghh! (buzzer sound). Wrong!

Now if only my ‘natural’ instinct was to work from the ‘inside-out,’ life would become much easier. My life would be filled with much more peace, power and happiness. But then, I’m the Chinese ‘Ox.’ I often put my shoulder into that ‘yoke,’ and choose to do things the hard way. Fortunately, since I am aware of my shortcoming…I now to work at changing my life-long pattern of behaviors so that I can achieve higher levels of love, satisfaction, and sense of ‘self.’

It’s my personal experience and feeling, that everything we want and desire is out there in the universe waiting for us to tap it on the shoulder and say, ‘Come here.’ It’s my personal belief, that ‘God’ wants all the best for us. So then…why do we not walk on that bed of roses, if what we want is so very possible? I believe it’s a negative behavior pattern learned from years and years of using ‘external’ power to try and satisfy our internal needs. Question is….how can we change this and tap into the riches of the world that awaits us?

I have discovered that a positive mind-set is the first step we can take to help ourselves.

“Nothing will ever change without movement!” I’m sure you’ve heard that quote. And it’s so true. Believe me I know. Because I did NOTHING the first 25 years of my life to change that which I needed to change! I ran from anger, confrontation, sorrow, and rejection. Heck…I even ran from opportunity because I was afraid I might fail! I refused to ‘step-up’ and take my place in this world, because I was too afraid to take a risk…too afraid to accept a challenge. I was too afraid to even hope. It wasn’t until I reached an emotional crises in life, that I finally began to realize that ‘this’ was no way to live! And so it was…that I discovered that ‘change’ begins with the power of the mind.

In High School, I was pretty much considered a ‘loner.’ I was tall and thin to the point of bony. I was extremely introverted and spent the majority of my free time in the library with my nose buried in a book. And on the special holidays that many kids would get carnations or cards in their lockers…I would often send myself a couple, just to make it look like I had some friends too.

I imagine that things would’ve remained pretty bleak for me throughout High School, if I hadn’t of discovered, that I had a real talent and opportunity to be successful in the track and field event of the high jump. Discovering that I was actually ‘good’ at something began to transform my soul…and with the emotional support of my new Foster parents, I began to train and compete. It didn’t take long before my self-esteem and self-confidence began to grow. Soon I was interacting with other students and participating in after-school activities. I had found a tiny star within myself and I was learning how to make it shine.

By my senior year in high school, I was a different woman. I had fallen in love, and had a fiancé. I had a good job, and I had started dressing nice and taking care of myself. Because of the high jump, I had received a scholarship offer and a training sponsorship with a top Stanford University coach. By the time I graduated High School, I moved out to live with my fiancé, and started taking college prep classes at the local Jr. College. I felt ready to take on the world.

But then, everything turned upside down once again as I was suddenly hit with the emotional whip-lash of being pulled into interacting with my mother (who was recovering from yet another suicide attempt…which she had done in the effort to pull me back into her life), and then I was hit with the news that my grandfather had just hung himself.

To try and keep my sanity, I shut myself off from my emotions, and retreated into the safety of my day-dreams and the sanctuary of hard training. And as I trained with that top coach, I began to day-dream of what it would be like to go to the Olympics and win an Olympic Gold medal. Deep down inside…I just knew that if I could win an Olympic Gold Medal, then I would really ‘BE’ someone. Then I would truly be happy. But just as the going got tough, I let my old fear of failure get the best of me. I couldn’t bear the thought of what would happen if I tried my best, and discovered that, once again, I wasn’t good enough.

It was just like that old saying…that the higher up the ladder you climb, the further you have to fall. And I had fallen so many times before, that I had become deathly afraid of the pain I would feel when I hit the ground. So one day, when I was frustrated and discouraged, I gave up. I just turned and walked away from my dream. I never even said good-by or thank you to my coach. I was too afraid to face his reaction.

Only something unusual happened that day. For the very first time, after spending years running away from any pressure or conflict, I realized what a coward I was being. Hey…I had the talent, and for the first time, I had someone supporting me. It was ‘possible’ that I would’ve been able to make my dream come true. But, now…I would never know. Because I had just given up without even trying! That thought settled in my brain and began to haunt my heart…as the rest of my world began to fall apart.

On the surface, I presented my survivalist ‘game-face’ that everything was just fine. But stressed out with inner turmoil, and emotionally shut-down, my relationship with my fiancé quickly deteriorated and fell apart. I was on my own once again.

To hide from my disappointment and anxiety, I quit college, buried myself in work and began training in the Martial Arts. To everyone else, my life seemed just fine. But deep inside, I was falling apart at the seams. I didn’t return phone calls, or follow through on things. I avoided any and all emotional connections. I didn’t even go to visit my grandmother whose health was failing…even though I knew it was the last chance to see her. I was going through life like a zombie…keeping myself busy, and trying not to think about anything, or feel anything. It felt like I was all alone in the ocean, slowly sinking in a rickety boat full of tiny little holes. I knew that I needed to rescue myself before it was too late…but I didn’t know how.

Just when I was about to capsize, my salvation arrived with my newly found talent in the full-contact fighting sport of Taekwondo. I had been training in the Martial Arts for about five years at this time, and had just started competing in sparring matches. Placing second in my first National competition in 1986, I discovered that this sport was to be introduced in the upcoming ‘88’ Olympics in Seoul, Korea. The revelation, that here was my second chance to make my Olympic dream come true, hit me square between the eyes.

At that moment, it became startling clear to me that I could not just walk away again. I’d been given a second chance, and by God, I’d make the most of it! I was tired of running away from everything. I knew that I needed to draw the line and make a stand. So I swore to myself, that this time, no matter what, I would take this dream and make it come true. And if I failed…well at least I would know that it wasn’t because I didn’t give it 100% effort. I would know that, for once in my life, I did not let my fears get the best of me! Like a drowning person clinging to a life-raft, I made the determination to save myself by clinging to my long standing dream of Olympic Gold.

So at the age of 25, I took the little glimpse of hope that my newly found talent gave me…I told myself, “Be not afraid!” and I took one tiny step towards my dream.

(Dana's Olympic gold medal win. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=44gy17PKDnk )


Ok….so ‘that’ was quite a few years ago. Yet that one step changed my life, because it taught me that good things ARE possible. We just need to know this, so that we can begin to BELIEVE it to be possible. Well through the years, I have taken that one step with courage to make my dreams come true. First with the Olympics (in the full-contact fighting sport of Taekwondo), then with my dream of becoming a top Stuntwoman in Hollywood, and now, with my dream of becoming a great motivational speaker. Sure, I know that I may never reach the heights I aim for. But I DO know that it IS possible. So when I stumble and fall, I pick myself up, brush off the dirt, re-set my mind, and reach out to claim my happiness from the universe.